Imagine being a fucking retard who repressed for 28 years. Imagine starting HRT when you’re almost 29.

HRT is OTC in my birth country (because any form of LGBT is banned) and it never even crossed my mind to take it as a teenager.

Left my country for Europe at the age of 20 and I still didn’t think about starting HRT.

Managed to live 28 years as a coward loser who suppressed his occasional tranny thoughts by getting addicted to videogames instead.

The first 25 years are an extremely important part of your life and I will never get to live them as the real me.

People my age are talking about buying houses, starting a family, going on trips etc… and i’m just rotting in my room (whenever i’m not at work), waiting for HRT to do something.

I can’t do shit while pretending to be a man because I don’t see myself as one anymore, and I can’t do shit as a woman because I don’t pass at all, obviously (and probably never will).

My brain is damaged by decades of repping, I can’t ever see myself being a normal, functioning human being. HRT is pretty much just palliative care atm.

And I didn’t even mention how start so late pretty much removes any chance of ever passing…

    • iwonderwhy21OP
      2·
      20 days ago

      I wish I could think the same about myself, but I deserve everything that happened to me because of my own cowardice

      • pleasantaftertastes
        2·
        20 days ago

        you’re only one person, and the world is the world. It can’t all be your fault. children need to be guided and cared for.

      • opalwiry
        2·
        20 days ago

        no, not really. it’s really all on your parents, there’s basically no other factor that matters. why did someone transition as a child? parents. why did someone repress until 50? parents. drowning things out with video games or whatever was just the pattern ingrained into your undeveloped babybrain to deal with the fact that your parents didn’t want you to be female and you were totally dependent on them. it may not make things any better physically, but it really, really wasn’t your fault.

        • iwonderwhy21OP
          1·
          20 days ago

          Some people had bad parents and they still managed to DIY & transition way earlier. I try to be kinder on myself but it’s hard to forgive myself sometimes…

          In any case, thank you for trying to help.