(unsure how I would apply this to enbys, I mean binary trans people)

I’m very serious. It should be seen as dangerous in trans spaces on the level of how cis people want to gatekeep transitioning in the first place.

Even if you think its worth it to because you don’t pass, HRT did “nothing” for you, it would be better to return to repping, or whatever other reasoning. You forgot just how much you hated your appearance pre HRT. I promise.

I went into it late last year during a mindset of utter terror and intense dissociation, thinking it was somehow worth it to protect my health, my safety. I thought being a woman wasn’t worth it anymore because one fucking guy rejected me for being a shoulderhon. Something went wrong and an entirely different being took over. I thought my gender didn’t matter that much to me anymore, that I could cope with going back if it meant I got to live longer. That I could live amongst the normie cissoids in their realm. What I actually ended up doing was ruining my (relative) stealth in my medical records and creating what will very likely go down as the worst trauma of my life, and that’s competing with sexual stuff from childhood.

Like holy fuck if I didn’t catch my mistake when I did and let it bleed any longer I would have 100% killed myself by now. I swear to God testosterone is fucking horrifying and it acts QUICK. I was on such a microdose, and I didn’t even realize at the time, but looking at pictures I took during those 2 months genuinely makes me feel sick and I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack looking at them. I can’t find it in me to call or have ever called myself truly 100% face-passing, but fuuuuck I highkey lost even twinkhon status in those, and I’ve been on hrt for 7 and a half years. I know it makes me sound like such a honlarper despite my grim body measurements, and I’m sorry for that, but I admit I’ve been she/her’d in girlmode like 90% of the time ever since I started aggressively waxing my eyebrows around 2 years in, and that COMPLETELY goddamn stopped the literal week after I started shooting up T. I fucking pray I didn’t do any permanent damage, and my face now looks more or less like it did last summer rather than then, but Jesus Christ its scary to look at. At most I think I may have grown a few new thick hairs on my philtrum and chin and might need a couple electrolysis sessions, and I MIGHT have slightly receeded the bad side of my hairline about 3 millimeters back towards what it looked like pre-HRT (I was early onset balding at 19 before E reversed it). It also further confirms my theory that some sort of fat distribution thing around the eyelids and having thin eyebrows are the most critical parts of face passing.

Testosterone made me feel genuinely awful too. Its like my body is directly allergic to it after having nuked levels for so long (could also be homozygous MTHFR and cholesterol genes just straight up make my body operate worse on it). It’s almost a Godsend that whatever self destructive being took over was hardly able to garner the energy to crawl out of bed and permiate more harm to me. I was even getting headaches and my blood pressure shot up, which is bizarre because it usually runs low-normal. My rapestick started working again (in the moid way) despite being half a decade post orchi, and the bottom dysphoria from that alone hit me so hard I thought I was gonna fucking die.

I haven’t even mentioned it yet, but getting my paperwork back to normal has been a HUMILIATING nightmare too, and I’m pretty sure in many aspects impossible due to EMR/HMO systems and Trump. I essentially have to LARP as FtMtF and pray they believe me which has only worked half the time or else I get called out for lying and its just fucking humiliation. I had a good thing going and I threw it away for good because I’m retarded.

The reason I ended up on TTTT and 4tran again after all these years has been to drown out the fucking distress of it all. 2025 was genuinely evil. From Trump getting in and the public hardcore turning on us and the intense minority stress to losing every tranny I knew irl in a year to getting rejected to the health OCD to the trying to LARP as a normie cissoid to the almost fucking fully detransitioning.

The whole experience, even if part of it was my own fault, has made me a fundamentally different person. Like my personality is genuinely unrecognizable to friends and family at this point. I was, once upon a time, the most socially “normal” and functional of the family trannies and although that’s not saying a WHOLE lot, I definitely don’t trust cis people at all anymore and I realize now how much people want to hurt me and am paranoid even doing basic things anymore.