I’m so sorry 🫂 I feel like I can relate to feeling like your life it at a deadend and feeling so tired you’d choose to die, and I can relate to isolating at times. I had a family member pass not too long ago, and a big part that got me though that was the fact that I could talk with other people and lean on them to cry, and then at some point I had to return to everyday life even if there was still funeral stuff and practical arrangements that had to be juggled with everything else. Death of a friend to suicide might be different, but maybe this is the exact moment where you shouldn’t be isolating.