I dont want to be a NEET forever but I also don’t want to re-enter the world, I don’t want to work. Its too much.

I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. Everything is boring and Im annoyed by everything and everyone. This world is disgusting

I dont want to feel better at times even, this is all I know. Though I hate feeling like this, I don’t want to.

I don’t want to be alive, though I don’t want to die either. Idk if Id say I wish I never existed. Probably I guess.

Idk whats wrong with me. Im just ruined. I cant really imagine a world where Im satisfied. Idk why Im alive. Idk why Im even transitioning at times. I mean I cant deny im dysphoric but I feel everything is too far gone to be savaged. Do I even want this? Im so disassociated its just permanent at this point and Id probably feel this way no matter what.

Where’s the appeal in anything. What’s the point. I died years ago. Idk when. But my body just decided to keep functioning.

One day this will come to an end. Perhaps that is one thing I do want.